Shemgelena(ሽምግልና) is a culture that requires the man to send elderly people or people who are respected to the “bride-to-be’s” house. Those elderly people will go to the “bride-to-be’s” family and ask her family for their approval of the marriage.
What the “bride-to-be’s” family demands is completely one-sided and puts pressure on the man.
How does the culture of “Shemgelena” put pressure on men?
All the questions asked during “Shemgelena” are one-sided, and it’s not time-centered.
“How are you going to manage your wife?”
“How much is his income?”
“What type of behavior does he has?”
“Are you going to be with her in her sadness, in her troubles, and in her happiness?”
These same questions don’t apply to the woman.
No one asks the woman about her behavior.
No one asks the woman about her income.
No one asks if the woman will support and stay with her husband in his trouble, in his sadness, in his happiness, etc.
“Shemgelena” ሽምግልና:
- To show how much he respects her
- Because he is the husband (male) and she is the wife (female).
There is no consideration for the man; all the things are about the woman and around the woman.
“To show how much he respects her”- how is she going to show respect to him also? Instead of saying that both should respect each other, it’s asserted that one should only respect the other.
“Because he is the husband(male) and she is the wife (female)”- the problem here is that men are still living under the burden of traditional gender roles while women have the choice whether to follow traditional gender roles or to live their life on their own terms.
What that means is that in previous times after 19th century women’s only role was to stay at home and raise children while men work outside- that was the reason during those times during “Shemgelena” “the-grooms-to-be’s” family was asked how much the groom’s income is; this is because in those times women couldn’t work outside home their role was staying home raising children so it was the husbands responsibility to provide.
But now all those roles have changed for women because they are perceived as o**ression. Women now have the choice; they can be a stay-at-home mom or work outside, they can be a pilot, doctor, engineer, which means they can provide for themselves, or they can support their family too.
So the questions during “Shemgelena” (ሽምግልና) should change for the better; they should be time-oriented. How can they ask how much the husband’s income is if the woman is a pilot earning a good income? What I am saying is that the logic is not there. The dialogs during “Shemgelena” (ሽምግልና) should change like:- both the husbands and wife should respect to each-other and they should support each other financially because of economic hardship in today’s era, as it was before the 19th century, they should also protect each other and their children as it was before the 19th century. In previous times, Marriage was about companionship, and it was about supporting each other; it should be like that in today’s era.
Bachelor of Computer Science.
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