Shemgelena ( ሽምግልና)

Hi Abel here, today I want to share my view on a culture that is found in Ethiopia called “shemgelena”.

Shemgelena(ሽምግልና) is a culture that demands the man to send elderly people or people who are respected to the woman’s or the future wife’s house. Those elderly people will go to the future wife’s family and ask her family for their approval of marriage.

Also Read: The Myth of Male Privilege

What the woman’s family demands is completely sexist, and one-sided, and puts pressure on the man.

How does the culture of “Shemgelena” put pressure on the man?

All the questions that are asked during “Shemgelena” are one-sided and sexist.

“How are you going to manage your wife?”

“How much is his income?”

“What type of behavior he has?”

“Are you going to be with her in her sadness “, in her troubles, and in her happiness?”

This same question doesn’t apply to the woman.

No one asks the woman about her behavior.

No one asks the woman about her income. [Note: This is related to men being a provider and leaders in the house, The theory Comes from religion and normal culture. This is not practical in today’s age because in previous times men used to provide for women and women were submissive & stay at home raising children. So, if they ask the man to be a provider then the woman should go back to her previous role which means she should stay home and raise children with no education and vote. In previous times women couldn’t have a bank account, couldn’t make a decision, couldn’t wear whatever they wanted, couldn’t learn and work, couldn’t vote(the reason why voting was reserved for men in previous times is that men were the only ones or the majority one who fought in the war. So, if men are asked about their income during “shemgelena” those elderly people should also ask if the women are submissive stay at home, and raise children without working and learning, etc. That’s the only way it becomes fair.]

No one asks if the woman will support and stay with the husband in the trouble, in his sadness, in his happiness, etc.

I talked about his matter with my mother and she gave me the answer which I predicted, she said: “ hmm it is because he is a male he is the husband”. This shows us men are still chained by old social roles and norms while women are free from most of their old social norms.

Listen carefully- women’s rights advocates have gone a long way in terms of tackling women’s problems and pressure around the world and in our country. But men’s issues and pressure against men in our society are still there. No one dares to solve it. Many men are afraid and hesitant to speak about this matter in general because men from childhood grow up being told to suppress their emotions and needs in addition to being told to “zip it” and deal with their problems.

 Comments are given to me about “Shemgelena”

 1. To show how much he respects her

 2. Because he is the husband (male) and she is a woman. 

You see? There is no consideration for the man all the things are about the woman and around the woman. No wonder men commit suicide 4 times more than women.

They said “ to show how much he respects her”- how is she going to show respect to him also? Instead of saying that both should respect each other, they are asserting that one should only respect the other and it’s wrong.  “Hmm, he is the husband and male she is a female” What? It has been so long since we as a society left this procedure(role), we now live in the era of equality in which women can now live a life that they choose.

That means the days when women were forced to stay in the kitchen and obey their husbands have gone(passed), Society said it puts pressure on the woman and abolished it. If the pressure on women is resolved at least tackle them tremendously. Men also have no obligation to follow previous roles. If men are forced or expected to obey and follow old social construct roles so why not the women go back to their kitchen?if the males one told that it’s their responsibility to manage and provide in marriage and relationships without the woman contributing then the women should return back to the kitchen and make coffee with no votes and education? Therefore I found “Shemgelena” culture as a culture that puts pressure on men and also leans to one side so I don’t accept it and other men shouldn’t accept it either unless it’s amended to some aspect. Respecting each other and both of them working to bring income should be a culture instead of a social construct that leans on one side. A man who supports this culture and other cultures that are one-sided should know that they are digging their own grave.