Stages of A Dying Marriage/The Broken Marriage

Stages of A Dying Marriage: Marriage is a legally and socially sanctioned union, usually between a man & woman that is regulated by laws, rules, beliefs, customs, and attitudes that prescribe the rights and duties of the partners and accords status to their offspring (if any).  The universality of marriage within different societies and cultures is attributed to the many basic social and personal functions for which it provided structure, such as sexual gratification and regulation, division of labor between the sexes economic production, and consumption & satisfaction of personal needs for affection, status & companionship.

Also Read: Shemgelena ( ሽምግልና)

The Stages of A Dying Marriage

Lack of effort and nourishment

Lack of effort can end marriage, a marriage requires regular nourishment for it to survive. Like gardening, you’ll have to do more than just plant the seed.

What does lack of effort and nourishment look like in Stages of A Dying Marriage:

Lack of communication

Communication is key in marriage, if there is no communication then the husband will not talk about his emotions and how he feels in the marriage & also the wife will not talk about how she feels in the marriage and her emotions. This will cause detachment thus jeopardizing the marriage.

Whether it’s about sex or division of labor in the house both partners should sit and communicate about this issue. Both partners should communicate about how their marriage life is going, how many children they want, and how they want to raise their children. To address this issue communication is the key thing and therefore lack of communication is a sign of a dying marriage.

Sexual Insufficiency: Stages of A Dying Marriage

Sex requires effort by both people and that needs to multiply in a marriage when there is a variety of tangible and intangible factors to deal with. But it’s not just about sex. The problem lies with a decrease from whatever the normal amount of affection was. Sex is a key part that can keep the marriage from dying, sex can increase love between a husband and wife. A marriage that lacks sex is a candidate for a dying marriage. Sex plays a significant role in increasing intimacy between romantic partners & regular sex is linked to lower divorce rates among married couples. Therefore sexual deficiency is another sign of a dying marriage.

Negativity

Think about the most recent interactions with your partner were they positive or negative? Negative words, attitudes & interactions can be extremely detrimental to the integrity of a relationship. Negativity can slowly poison the marriage until it dies. Bad words between a husband and wife can lead to a decrease in love and increase hate thus elevating the chances of a divorce.

A husband who shows unpleasant behavior towards his wife like calling names, and beating and a wife who shows bad behavior towards her husband like calling names, beating, and throwing tools this things overtime can tremble the marriage causing divorce as it is one of the Stages of A Dying Marriage.

Lack of Time Together: Stages of A Dying Marriage

Similar to sex, quality time together requires active coordination. Most of us have busy lives. A husband and wife should take time and talk one-on-one about their marriage, their children, and about their future. Partners who don’t spend time one-on-one when their marriage is scuffling not only hurt themselves but their children also (if any). A husband should take time and ask his wife about her worries and concerns & the wife should take time and ask her husband about his worries and concerns. People who believe in their marriage will find the time to devote to their partners no matter how many things are pulling at them.

No respect

Respect is one of the building blocks of relationship. Respect needs to be present for true love to exist. But if you’ve noticed respect has waned or is gone altogether, this is a red flag. A husband and wife should respect each other this means they should restrain themselves from using bad words like calling names and unnecessary words. A husband not only should respect his wife but he should also listen to what she says and keep her word; like that a wife also not only should respect her husband but she should also listen to what he says and she should keep his word. Of course, this only works if the orders and requests don’t interfere with one’s freedom and desire as well as respect.  The other thing is considering your partner’s feelings. Do you consider their feelings before you say or do something? Think about how you treat your partner in the presence of other people. Do you notice you treat them better than you would if it were just the two of you? Reflect on how you treat other people in comparison to your partner. Disrespect, contempt, not listening to what each other says, or ignoring one’s speech will lead to frustration jeopardizing the marriage.

Infidelity

Infidelity doesn’t have to mean the end, but a betrayal as serious as an affair has the power to bury the marriage. When a person has an affair outside his/her marriage it creates distrust until the end. Affairs may not only have a destructive impact on the relationship, which may lead to separation or divorce but may negatively affect the partner’s overall emotional well-being, leading to enhanced depressive symptoms and lowered self-esteem. Affairs can be a sign that the relationship was flawed already or that the individual has unresolved personal issues. Infidelity needs to be sorted out & dealt with directly as it is one of the Stages of A Dying Marriage.

Broken oaths (promises)

Not keeping a promise can cause distrust in a marriage. A husband should keep his promise for example;- if he says he will eat dinner together at night but forgets his promise or if he says he will go with her but doesn’t show up, this thing causes distrust between partners. Like that, the wife should also keep her promise “If she says she will go with him somewhere else and if she can’t keep her promise or if she says she’ll go with him at night for dinner and she didn’t, this will cause distrust in the marriage.  Breaking promises in relationships can negatively impact your bond & make you lose trust in each other. Maybe your marriage is free from infidelity, but you don’t feel like you can rely on your partner.

Do they make promises without following through? Sometimes it’s the little things like showing up when they say they will. Broken promises can cause a lack of trust in the other person.

The Other Stages of A Dying Marriage

You criticize each other constantly

Criticize is another sign of a dying marriage the two of you tend to bicker, or can’t help but point out what the other does wrong. You might also blame each other for your problems, from small inconveniences to larger life-related issues. If the husband always criticizes his wife and if he doesn’t appreciate her for her good work that will cause the wife to boredom the husband, Like that if the wife always criticizes the husband and if she doesn’t appreciate him for his good work also that will cause the husband to get fed up about his wife in general. If you catch yourself looking for something to criticize before something to compliment about your spouse, take a step back to consider why that is.

Bed separation: Stages of A Dying Marriage

Separate bedrooms may lead to separate lives. Scientifically, physical touch is an important aspect of feeling connected to your partner and can release a burst of oxytocin. A wife and husband who will not take time to discuss about their problems will separate their bed in the future. If they don’t solve their problem the problem will grow and will lead to bed separation. Bed separation can cause a decrease in love thus contributing to the failure of the marriage. Of course, all of this depends on your personal habits as a couple.  For example- if you have always slept in separate bedrooms due to conflicting work schedules or sleep issues then this would not be a cause for alarm.

Fantasizing about unmarried life

You begin to actively wonder what it’d be like not married to your spouse. You might covet a single life or you build a list of friends or coworkers you’d rather be in a relationship with. Whatever the case, you start looking for an exit even if you don’t totally realize, that’s what you’re doing.

“I would have achieved many things if I didn’t get married to her”

“I would have achieved many things if I didn’t get married to him”

“The only thing I achieved by marrying her is problems and suffering“

“The only thing I achieved by marrying him is problem and suffering”

Can the marriage be saved by knowing the Stages of A Dying Marriage?

Most marriages can be revived as long as both people are willing to put in the effort.

In addition to having two active participants who are ready to do the work, the following is needed to bring the marriage back to life:

• Admission from both people that played a role in the issues at hand.

• Keeping a level of respect for one another (no abusive behavior).

• Positivity maintained.

• There are more good than bad interactions.

A marriage that is in trouble can survive if both partners first recognize that there is a problem in their marriage, then they should sit and discuss about what needs to be corrected with both of them. The person who caused the problem should apologize, if both parties are responsible they should apologize to each other.