Waste No Time Arguing What A Good Man Should Be: No individual is completely free. Both legally and socially, society imposes a multitude of restrictive “shoulds” on its members. The “shoulds”, developed over a long period, are a major vehicle for maintaining order. While they evolve and change, and sometimes allow for limited individual variation, they represent a powerful and ever-present influence on behavior. One way the “shoulds” function is by defining social roles — the what and the how of everyday but important behaviors, like being a spouse, parent, child, employee, or neighbor. It has also been society’s practice, however, to further many roles by gender — a spouse is either a husband or wife; a parent, either a father or a mother; a child, either a son or a daughter — and to require particular and different kinds of behaviors, thoughts and feelings from the males and females occupying these roles. We have heard in some detail from the women’s movement how such sex stereotyping has limited the potential of women.
Also Read: The Myth of Male Privilege
More recently, men have become increasingly aware that they too are assigned limiting roles they are expected to fulfill regardless of their abilities, interests, physical/emotional constitutions, or needs. Men have few or no effective choices in many critical areas of life. They face injustices under the law. And typically they have been handicapped by socially defined “shoulds” in expressing themselves in other than stereotypical ways. Society has taught us, for example, that a “real” man is strong… courageous… knowledgeable… disciplined… level headed… competitive… successful… in control …unemotional… heterosexual… sexually aggressive… sexually competent… and silent-suffering. A man is also dependent on women for satisfying relationships, for child-rearing, and for routine home and health maintenance like housekeeping and cooking. All of this and more, society has taught us, constitutes a man’s role privilege or burden as the case may be. Many men, however, are no longer comfortable with the traditional male role. Emotionally adrift, they are searching for a new identity, yet they find few viable alternatives to traditional masculine behavior (and even these few are narrow and limiting). Men from childhood grew up with roles assigned to them the same for women. These roles can sabotage men and women from living their lives to the fullest. The roles that are assigned to men are harsher and deadly than women’s roles. Both men and women should choose the life & role they want to live, which means they can & should have the right to live the life they want ditching society, religion, and culture perception especially if those perceptions are gender-based. Gender roles are roles that are distributed for men and women, these roles order that men and women should act in a certain way. These assigned roles are the main reason for gender discrimination.
“Men should be outside women should stay home”
“Women shouldn’t wear trousers”- this is irrelevant in most parts of the world.
“Men should cut their hair”
“Women should cover their bodies”
“Women should live silently“
“Men shouldn’t cry”
“Men should suffocate their emotions”
“Men should protect women and children”- this thinking is the reason why men don’t get protection. This idea sees women as infants and men as warriors in stainless steel. As I said before not all men are strong, most people’s opinion is “Oh men are strong” so what? if men are forced to war or made to be last because of their “male assets” women should be ra** and give birth forcefully or they should be bared from becoming a doctor or pilot because of their “female assets”.
“Men should ask the women for marriage“
“Women shouldn’t ask men for marriage”
“Men should provide and protect”:- this role is the reason for so many male suicides and mental health problems, women are weak men are strong so when a country is endangered the men should man up and fight they should also provide for their family. This is in short wrong, firstly women are not weak and they shouldn’t be compared or measured with children. Women can work & change their families let alone themselves, they can also defend their country. Today’s world war is about technology, not strength; physical strength is irrelevant here. Men shouldn’t be forced to perform anything because of their male assets the same for women but the situation where women get forced because of their female assets is rare. We can continue mentioning many roles. Now the big problem is first men’s roles are more dangerous and oppressive than women’s roles, second women’s organizations tackled and improved so many roles that are oppressive and suffocating towards women. Women’s rights organizations, advocates for women’s rights, and institutions that work for equality are committed to tackling women’s problems because of that problems that women face are decreasing and disappearing. At the same time, men’s problems not only stay there but are increasing also. Because of this men from child to adult need institutions that work for their rights and wellbeing. Because women’s rights organizations and the government also work to liberate women, the pressure on them is decreasing from child to adult. So, Waste No Time Arguing What A Good Man Should Be.
Waste No Time Arguing What A Good Man Should Be
Culture, religion, and society have a perception and role of what a man is,” a man is like this like that should do this should do that” These assigned roles and perceptions mostly are restrictive and harmful to men and boys. I already mentioned most of the roles a man should breach these roles and liberate himself. A man has no obligation to explain what being a man is for anyone, manhood is for himself. The definition and meaning of manhood or masculinity should be different for every man, which means a man has no obligation to follow society, culture, and religion’s perception of what a man is. When a boy grows up from childhood there shouldn’t be any pressure on him to conform to societies, religion, and culture perceptions and assigned roles of what manhood or masculinity is.
“He shouldn’t feel like he lost his manhood or he is not a man just because he refused to participate in war.
“He shouldn’t be shamed or insulted that he is not a man for not protecting a woman.
“His manhood shouldn’t get questioned for not protecting a woman or a child, even when it’s his family”:- for example No one questions a woman or shames her if she runs leaving her husband and children behind during wartime or disaster, in addition, if she runs away leaving stranger men and children no one questions her gender(womanhood)or shames her. So when men do the same thing they shouldn’t be shamed or questioned their gender. Children should be protected by both men and women, and men should refuse any responsibility that is based on the male gender, responsibilities should be shared.
Just like a woman who can’t cook, or make coffee, who doesn’t want to marry or have children shouldn’t be shamed or questioned her womanhood. A man who doesn’t protect or provide and who doesn’t face dangers shouldn’t be shamed or questioned about his manhood or masculinity.
Solution To Waste No Time Arguing What A Good Man Should Be:- We have to teach future generations of boys so that they don’t see the plight that we saw.
Bachelor of Computer Science, an equality advocate (works as a men’s and women’s rights advocate), and an NCFM liaison. He is an admin of the Men’s Equality Facebook group too.