Waste No Time Arguing What A Good Man Should Be: Allow men To Develop Completely And In Their Own Right

Waste No Time Arguing What A Good Man Should Be: No individual is completely free. Both legally and socially, society imposes a multitude of restrictive “shoulds” on its members. The “shoulds”, developed over a long period, are a major vehicle for maintaining order. While they evolve and change, and sometimes allow for limited individual variation, they represent a powerful and ever-present influence on behavior. One way the “shoulds” function is by defining social roles — the what and the how of everyday but important behaviors, like being a spouse, parent, child, employee, or neighbor. It has also been society’s practice, however, to further many roles by gender — a spouse is either a husband or wife; a parent, either a father or a mother; a child, either a son or a daughter — and to require particular and different kinds of behaviors, thoughts and feelings from the males and females occupying these roles. We have heard in some detail from the women’s movement how such sex stereotyping has limited the potential of women.

Also Read: The Myth of Male Privilege

More recently, men have become increasingly aware that they too are assigned limiting roles they are expected to fulfill regardless of their abilities, interests, physical/emotional constitutions, or needs. Men have few or no effective choices in many critical areas of life. They face injustices under the law. And typically they have been handicapped by socially defined “shoulds” in expressing themselves in other than stereotypical ways. Society has taught us, for example, that a “real” man is strong… courageous… knowledgeable… disciplined… level headed… competitive… successful… in control …unemotional… sexually aggressive… sexually competent… and silent-suffering. A man is also dependent on women for satisfying relationships, for child-rearing, and for routine home and health maintenance like housekeeping and cooking. All of this and more, society has taught us, constitutes a man’s role privilege or burden as the case may be. Many men, however, are no longer comfortable with the traditional male role. Emotionally adrift, they are searching for a new identity, yet they find few viable alternatives to traditional masculine behavior (and even these few are narrow and limiting). Men from childhood grew up with roles assigned to them the same for women. These roles can sabotage men and women from living their lives to the fullest. The roles that are assigned to men are harsher and deadly than women’s roles. Both men and women should choose the life & role they want to live, which means they can & should have the right to live the life they want ditching society, religion, and culture perception especially if those perceptions are gender-based (Note that ditching is in a sense of rejecting oppressive cultures like- a woman should cover her head, a man should have short hair, a woman should stay at home and raise children, a man should be drafted into war, boys should get circumcised, etc. Not that men can be a woman or a woman can be a man nonsense). Gender roles are roles that are distributed for men and women, these roles order that men and women should act in a certain way. These assigned roles are the main reason for gender discrimination.

 “Men should be outside women should stay home”

“Women shouldn’t wear trousers”- this is irrelevant in most parts of the world.

“Men should cut their hair”

“Women should cover their bodies”

“Women should live silently“

“Men shouldn’t cry”

“Men should suffocate their emotions”

“Men should protect women and children”- this thinking is the reason why men don’t get protection. This idea sees women as infants and men as warriors in stainless steel. Of course, men are stronger than women on average, most people’s opinion is “Oh men are strong” so what? if men are forced to war or made to be last in rescue because of their “male assets” like being strong women should be ra** and give birth forcefully or they should be barred from becoming a doctor or pilot because of their “female assets” like womb.

“Men should ask the women for marriage“

“Women shouldn’t ask men for marriage”

“Men should provide and protect”:- this role is the reason for so many male suicides and mental health problems, women are weak men are strong so when a country is endangered the men should man up and fight they should also provide for their family. This is in short wrong, firstly women are not weak and they shouldn’t be compared or measured with children. Women can work & change their families let alone themselves, they can also defend their country. Today’s world war is about technology, not strength; physical strength is irrelevant here (Note that providing and protecting,obeying husband and stay at home mom should be decided by the couple only, if the husband wants to be a provider and protector and if the wife wants to be a stay at home mom then that’s their right and choice. But the only way women should expect a man to provide and protect them is if they agree to be a stay at home mom and without votes and education including no bank accounts because it is used to be that way). Men shouldn’t be forced to perform anything because of their male assets the same for women but the situation where women get forced because of their female assets is rare. We can continue mentioning many roles. Now the big problem is first men’s roles are more dangerous and oppressive than women’s roles, second women’s organizations tackled and improved so many roles that are oppressive and suffocating towards women. Women’s rights organizations, advocates for women’s rights, and institutions that work for equality are committed to tackling women’s problems because of that problems that women face are decreasing and disappearing. At the same time, men’s problems not only stay there but are increasing also. Because of this men from child to adult need institutions that work for their rights and wellbeing. Because women’s rights organizations and the government also work to liberate women, the pressure on them is decreasing from child to adult. So, Waste No Time Arguing What A Good Man Should Be.

Waste No Time Arguing What A Good Man Should Be

Culture, religion, and society have a perception and role of what a man is,” a man is like this like that should do this should do that” These assigned roles and perceptions mostly are restrictive and harmful to men and boys. I already mentioned most of the roles a man should breach these roles and liberate himself. A man has no obligation to explain what being a man is for anyone, manhood is for himself. The definition and meaning of manhood or masculinity should be different for every man, which means a man has no obligation to follow society, culture, and religion’s perception of what a man is. When a boy grows up from childhood there shouldn’t be any pressure on him to conform to societies, religion, and culture perceptions and assigned roles of what manhood or masculinity is. (Note that “there shouldn’t be any pressure on him to confirm means for example if he wants to grow hair he should grow it regardless of what the culture or religion says, if he wants to be emotional within a reason the he should show emotions regardless of what the culture or religion says, if he don’t want to fight wars then he can and should have the right to back off regardless of what the culture or religion says- like the Ukrainian women who flee from their country. If he don’t want to provide and protect within in a reason then he should do that regardless of what the culture or religion says.- It is in this sense not that “ i identified as a woman bullishit. I believe both men and women should be though in hard times and they should be a person who control their emotions and fight for what is right.)

“He shouldn’t feel like he lost his manhood or he is not a man just because he refused to participate in war.

“He shouldn’t be shamed or insulted that he is not a man for not protecting a woman. This is in a sense of a stranger women. When it’s family both men and women should protect each other.

Children should be protected by both men and women, and men should refuse any responsibility that is based on the male gender, responsibilities should be shared. (Note: This is in a sense of men being forced to war and denying it. Protecting and providing should also be shared between the partners other wise the woman should stay at home and raise a child if the man is expected to provide and protect which is impossible in today’s economy.”)

Just like a woman who can’t cook, or make coffee, who doesn’t want to marry or have children shouldn’t be shamed or questioned her womanhood.  A man who doesn’t protect or provide and who doesn’t face dangers shouldn’t be shamed or questioned about his manhood or masculinity. (Note: This in a sense like being forced to war and denying it or not wanting to participate in a war.)

Men and women should protect each other and both men and women should protect children.
I think that there are two ways. The first one is to return to our traditional roles which means both men and women have their own responsibilities- women stay at home and raise children without working, learning, or even voting and men work outside the home, fighting wars, protecting and providing for their women and children. The second one is men and women sharing roles and responsibilities which means the man helping the woman inside the home and the woman helping the man outside the home:- like a woman helping her husband change a tire and the man helping his wife in the kitchen etc. The choice is yours. In my opinion, returning to traditionalism is impossible from many different perspectives it is only possible if the the couple agrees with the aforementioned criteria even after that there is a disadvantage that comes with traditionalism.

Solution To Waste No Time Arguing What A Good Man Should Be:- We have to teach future generations of boys so that they don’t see the plight that we saw.

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